Reading: Embracing Life’s Next Chapter: Thriving After the Empty Nest

For years, I laughed and scoffed at those parents claiming they were devastated by their children finally going off to college or moving out on their own. “Empty nest syndrome,” they called it. As a hard-core executive who put in 60 hours a week or more at my job running national women’s magazines, I would say to myself, “College drop-off? Oh, c’mon. Get a life.”

Yes, I loved being a mom as well. And my job allowed me (or sometimes forced me) to have moments when I wasn’t working and could be a dedicated supermom.

While I adore my children and feel that they allowed me to have the family I never had growing up (my parents divorced when I was 10), I also had a deeply rewarding and creative job. I traveled the world helping women raise their voices and reporting on injustices I saw. (Okay, so I also got to try amazing cosmetics, spas, and clothing — but that was a perk.)

Yet when my daughter announced that she wanted to go away to high school because the public school she was about to enter would be too large and she was having trouble in junior high catching the teacher’s attention, I nearly fell over. That was the same year my son was going off to college. I had planned on four more years alone with her. But she was having none of it. I delegated the task of finding, applying, and getting into a boarding school to her (assuming she’d never do it), but in less than a year she was on her way.

Even though I have a great husband and lots of caring, warm friends, the sense of loneliness that descended upon me when my youngest left home was devastating. I cried for three weeks. The bond we have with our children is like nothing else. And while they may drive us crazy (a lot), the return on your love investments is 100x.

It wasn’t until I was on a business trip to a spa with a lot of spiritual activities that I was able to recover. I had a meeting with a shaman/psychologist who told me that I could leave that profound sense of loneliness with him at the spa. If I ever needed it, I could come back and pick it up. It was a brilliant trick. I never went back or picked that feeling up again. I know it exists, but it exists outside of me, instead of inside. (I also know that my very particular, profound sense of loneliness derives from a childhood wound — from when I had to leave my dysfunctional mother to live with my dad at age 12.)

Today, both of my adult children live in different states and we are just as tight as when they were growing up. I speak with them several times a week (sometimes a day), and occasionally they even step in and take care of me (like when I had a recent health scare).

This is a difficult transition. I highly suggest finding new hobbies, traveling more, going back to school or taking adult classes. Join a club — CoveyClub is all about getting through transitions and transformations, so we’ve got you covered. This is a time for your child to grow, but it’s also your time to grow. Grow together and you won’t believe what happens next.